the heart of this artist

sometimes i get the opportunity to look at my heart (it's motivations and desires, it's movements and responses, it's thoughts and emotions)...and i get the chance to see (or wake up to understand) that the mural that is my life is still in progress of being painted. though i desperately want it to be completed...and many times cry out in angst that it is not. the picture is still rough, unfinished, and at times, unrecognizable. and there are reasons for this. there are many cans of paint of various colors that still need to be mixed and applied. there are several parts of the canvas that still need to have primer brushed on. there are still slops and spills that need to be forgiven and worked in. there are still details that need to be carefully painted in (at the right moments, only after the base colors are applied)...and all the while, i am in constant need of refocusing on the pre-liminary sketches and tweeking the current layout to reflect the original idea...and yet, allowing for spontaneity and creativity to bring the mural to become an even deeper more intimate and beautiful painting. that is my heart. that is my life. sometimes it feels like an un-mixed can of paint (goopy and unwilling to show it's true color). and sometimes it feels like a slopped on, muddled, and overworked area of the canvas (will it ever be salvagable?). but every-so-often i am given the chance to experience my heart from a very tall ladder or scaffold high above the canvas...to see it as a whole mural from above...to understand that though it is still in progress of being completed...my heart is good. God is painting a beautiful mural with my life.