Hi, my name is.....and i'm an artist.

paint. sketch. splatter. erase. scribble. smudge. brush. rub. type. dry. layer. glaze. spray. delete. rip. write. draw. wash.

Okay, so I admit, lately I've been dealing with a wee bit of ARTIST BLOCK. What's that?--you ask. It's when yer creativity has seemed to come to a standstill...there's a block, a sort of subconscious/conscious nothingness that fogs up any inkling of artistic passion and productivity.

Do you ever experience this? I stare at a blank canvas and....nothing. I stare at a blank computer screen and...nothing. It's not like I'm not trying. Oh, I can paint little bits of this and that (lately i've been doing little abstract expressionist collage card thingys for friends)...it's not that I'm not "doing" anything....but I'm not painting ...something big, something new, something that has depth and meaning and is passionately from within...it's just not happening right now...zilch. And yes, I can write little blurbs (like this blog or an email) here and there...but to write poetry or stories or essays that are mine, that really have depth and meaning or are even anything remotely fresh and fun...it's not happening for me right now...nada.

Why is this? What's going on? I recognize that sometimes we artists go through seasons like this. I'm no exception. Julia Cameron addresses Artist Block in her book "The Artist Way" (sort of a self-help creative recovery book for artists). "As you learn to recognize, nurture, and protect your inner artist, you will be able to move beyond pain and creative constriction. You will learn ways to recognize and resolve fear, remove emotional scar tissue, and strengthen your confidence."

That's it, isn't it? I mean...it's about working through the inner stuff to figure out what's really going on with the creative stuff. To move forward ya gotta deal with the here and now. It means being willing to let God undo me. Being an artist is about being real with myself. It's more than just what I DO, it's also who I AM.

"batter my heart, three-personed God; for you

as yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;

that i may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend

your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

i, like an usurped town, to another due,

labor to admit you, but O, to no end;

reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,

but is captived, and proves weak or untrue.

yet dearly i love you, and would be loved fain,

but am betrothed unto your enemy.

divorce me, untie or break that knot again;

take me to you, imprison me, for i,

except you enthrall me, never shall be free,

nor ever chaste, except you ravish me."

-john donne, sonnet no. 14

So I guess it's back to the drawing board.